I need to have this time to get some things accomplished. Even just to think about what I need to do. My husband is so great, taking the kids. We have 7 and 5 year old as well as 1 year old twins. The twins require a whole adult human to meet every need. So that leaves the 5 and 7 year old to fend a little more for themselves. My husband does a great job responding and meeting the needs of all of them, but sometimes, the 5 and 7 year old sneak back into where I'm doing my stuff.
I have to ask them to leave because I am doing some work. Isn't it supposed to be easy to take time to do something you are passionate about? It should be. But it's always hard basically saying "go away". I usually talk to them a little and then say, I need to work on this now. Give me a little while and then I'll be out.
It's so hard. I think, as Mom's, we see others being ok taking time for themselves. I know I always see others seeming like they enjoy it. I wonder how hard it is for them. Are they feeling guilty for taking time for themselves? Or they are happy to do it? I love being there for my children. And it just this last year with the twins where I actually need time to myself. I haven't felt this strong about it since becoming a mother. You know that saying about "you have to fill your own cup first". Well it hasn't rang true before this year.
And you know what? I actually feel a little guilty needing it so badly. Isn't that crazy? I am nursing twins, homeschooling two older kids and there is a little bit still inside of me that feels guilty for taking a little time for myself. I sometimes feel guilty asking them to leave me alone while I work.
We shouldn't. We are there. We spend all day with them. We feed them. We give them every last ounce of ourselves. And when you are empty from filling them up, it's ok to just take a few moments. I am trying to remind myself, each time I do something for me, that it's ok. I am a good mom. I am enough. I am giving them everything. And giving myself some "me time" is giving them something even better - a refreshed mom.
As I mature as a mother, I know the importance of alone time. Knowing what I need to fill my cup. Prayer, the time to fulfill other passions, time to be myself. It's a really hard thing to learn. But I know we are given the skills when we need them. But why is this one so hard? I am learning. Little by little. I need this time. I really need this time.
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