I really need this time.

As I work from home sometimes, I have my husband watch the kids while I spend some time in the back working on stuff.  I have just set up my new cl-office (closet office).  

I need to have this time to get some things accomplished.  Even just to think about what I need to do.  My husband is so great, taking the kids.  We have 7 and 5 year old as well as 1 year old twins.  The twins require a whole adult human to meet every need.  So that leaves the 5 and 7 year old to fend a little more for themselves.  My husband does a great job responding and meeting the needs of all of them, but sometimes, the 5 and 7 year old sneak back into where I'm doing my stuff.

I have to ask them to leave because I am doing some work.  Isn't it supposed to be easy to take time to do something you are passionate about?  It should be.  But it's always hard basically saying "go away".  I usually talk to them a little and then say, I need to work on this now.  Give me a little while and then I'll be out.

It's so hard.  I think, as Mom's, we see others being ok taking time for themselves.  I know I always see others seeming like they enjoy it.  I wonder how hard it is for them.  Are they feeling guilty for taking time for themselves?  Or they are happy to do it?  I love being there for my children.  And it just this last year with the twins where I actually need time to myself.  I haven't felt this strong about it since becoming a mother.  You know that saying about "you have to fill your own cup first".  Well it hasn't rang true before this year.

And you know what?  I actually feel a little guilty needing it so badly.  Isn't that crazy?  I am nursing twins, homeschooling two older kids and there is a little bit still inside of me that feels guilty for taking a little time for myself.  I sometimes feel guilty asking them to leave me alone while I work.  

We shouldn't.  We are there.  We spend all day with them.  We feed them.  We give them every last ounce of ourselves.  And when you are empty from filling them up, it's ok to just take a few moments. I am trying to remind myself, each time I do something for me, that it's ok.  I am a good mom.  I am enough.  I am giving them everything.  And giving myself some "me time" is giving them something even better - a refreshed mom.  

As I mature as a mother, I know the importance of alone time.  Knowing what I need to fill my cup.  Prayer, the time to fulfill other passions, time to be myself.  It's a really hard thing to learn.  But I know we are given the skills when we need them.  But why is this one so hard?  I am learning.  Little by little.  I need this time.  I really need this time.

Iphone and the park

Ok so it's winter here.  And we don't go to the park when it's rainy... especially with my one year old twins.

But haven't you read those facebook posts written to moms who are on their phones at the rkpa.  Shaming them, telling us that it's not ok to use our phones at the park.  And that we are most definitely ignoring our children....

I just want to say that it's ok to take out your phone at the park.  Maybe it's been a long.. LONG day.  And you fought to get to the park.  Getting your kids ready was a battle, getting all your stuff together and loading up in the car.  Maybe you haven't had any alone time all day!  Maybe you're husband has been out of town, and he just got out of his work meeting and texted you and it was the first time you've spoken to him all day!  Or, God forbid, you got sme bad news, and you took the kids to the park because it was the only way you could keep it together.

But you know what, what if you just want to look at your phone?  Does that really make you a bad mom?

I'm here to tell you that it doesn't.  Are they fed?  Are they clothed?  You're a good mom.  Don't let people shame you into thinking that it's not ok to take a few moments for yourself!  You are worth it!

Don't use it at the park, they say.

Christmas Cookies

There's so many things we want to do for Christmas.  It's so hard to get to all of them.  I have 4 kids.  7, 5, and 1 year old twins.  It's almost impossible for me to get all off the stuff I want to do, done.  You know, all of those things you think you want to do for tradition.

Man, Advent has come and (almost gone).  I have always wanted to light our advent wreath candles, say the prayers from our church book, blow out the candles and have dinner.  I want to teach the kids how advent looks.  How we can prepare for Christmas.

Guess what it really looks like?  We have to literally push dishes off the counter.  Then find a "clean" place for the 1 year old babies to eat.  Screw the dining table.  It's easier for us to eat at our Kitchen counter bar.  The older kids eat at the couch that is in that room.  I eat with them, if possible on the couch and my husband usually stands or sits by the babies. But really, we are pushing dishes off the counter towards the sink, finding a clean rag to wipe the counter off... and it all has to be fast enough before the 1 year old twins try to eat the old food that is still on the counter.  

You might be thinking WOW.  And the truth is that every night, my husband and I work hard to clean off the counter each night and wipe it down.  So that we start the day on a good note.  The stuff on the counter is the mess just from that day.  You guys know what i'm talking about.  It's never ending.

Our Christmas Cookies.  The "red" natural dye i used is actually pink :)

 

When do we have time for these traditions?  I don't know.  I wonder myself.  But I decided this last week that I would collect the ingredients to make sugar cookies and we would make them before Christmas.  And, by golly, we did.  It was messy.  It meant letting the babies try some of the frosting.  It meant an even bigger mess. 

Guess what?  THAT'S OK!  We have to let that stuff go.  This year I'm just doing the little things.  Maybe Christmas cookies is all we do for "traditions" this year.  Maybe we won't get to else.  But that is ok!  We won't be remembered by that stuff.  Our kids won't remember the stuff we don't do.  They will remember everything we do.  Even if it's not the same every year.  My oldest will remember that one year when the babies dipped their whole hands in the frosting.  And I wouldn't have it any other way!

What is one thing you are doing for tradition this year?